Monday, December 7, 2009

Long Drives with Robert

[I'm open to advice on this one, I'm not really sure what I'm getting at in it yet. But I hadn't posted anything in a long while so here it it.]

My hometown is a long drive down a slick highway. It’s a long drive, and in December it’s usually dark. The tale lights reflect off the concrete. It’s a long drive, and we have time to talk. About Luther Vandross and TS Elliott. Weezer’s fall from artistic credibility. Christ and Otis Redding.

It’s a long drive and we cover the weighty topics. The Hilltop neighborhood in Tacoma. Those officers that got shot in a coffee shop. Poverty and gentrification and soulfood restaurants.

We talk about our hometowns, old basketball teams and how good Ken Griffey Jr would have been if he used roids.

Our hometowns are long drives through a big briar patch.


Stephen said...

I like the progression and the simplification from the abstract to the personal. Maybe the third stanza do this to a great extent e.g. shift KGjnr to the second, and put in something else more about you and robert. And the last line just didn't quite grab me. Maybe something metaphoric about driving, journeys and destinations.

graham said...

this piece needs to be about twice as long, probably, so the changing of topics can travel with the reader down the road. I think with length you'll also get a better feel yourself for what you want to say. you've got a lot of places you could go with this.