Barbecue Sauce (Revised)

When they got to the restaurant
I was waiting outside on the bench
it didn’t take them long to comment
“So Jake, how are you doing?”
I just grinned
and tried to get up

It wasn’t my fault really
I hadn’t been paying attention
it was 96 degrees out
and I forgot to eat breakfast and lunch

I focused real hard on getting the burger to my mouth
and making sure I remembered to say the consonants
but I have trouble with those things when I’m sober

I was surprised she came
(she was real good looking
and I had spent the summer
trying not to noticeably notice it)
I don’t know why I ordered
a burger with Barbecue sauce on it,
but I did

With mesquite-whiskey goodness
settling in to it’s new home on my collar
I made conversation
I told them about the layer of cartilage
in a wombats ass
and how badgers defended themselves

I wish rolling eyes were signs of flirting
but I’m pretty sure they’re not.