That Type of Guy

[this is a lot different than what I normally write, or at least that's how it feels to me]

I'm not the type of guy
to know what type of guy I am,
but I have lots of theories.

I'm the type of guy
who thinks he's listening
but is actually thinking about
food
sports
movies
music
listening.

I'm the type of guy
who thinks he's skinnier in mirrors than pictures
distrusts cameras,
consequently subscribes to wild conspiracy theories

I'm the type of guy
who wonders too much
about convergent zones
tonsils
wings
tails
Boise.

I'm the type of guy
who wishes he had a castle,
hatches secret plots
to take over Wales.

I'm the type of guy
who pretends he's sniper
in Vietnam as he's falling asleep
hidden deep under covers.

I'm the type of guy
who cried the first time he watched First Blood
didn't cry at Schindler's List
cried watching Bridge to Terebithia
publicly disdains crying at movies
still cries when he watches the Lion King.

I'm the type of guy
who only seems functional
secretly thinks he's a psychic
wears ties with short sleeved dress shirts
wishes he was a flying squirrel.

I'm the type of guy
who thinks introspection is whoop-la
but does it
usually when he should be listening.

I'm the type of guy
who stretches to make connections
that only make sense to himself
but tries to explain them anyways.

I'm not the type of guy
who knows when to
stop.