So I'm starting plan out my next chapbook. This is one of my borderlines. So tell me what you think.
When I wake up
I hit the snooze 4 times
mutter an expletive
and roll out of bed
It's dark when I drive to work,
brake lights and street lights
reflect off a slick empty highway
I listen to sports radio
I pass three porn stores
a strip club
and a casino
on my way to work
Five car lots, a Wal Mart
my old church
the house where my bible study met
when I was in high school
the church no longer exists
but there are teriyaki shops
at least 10 of them
just on my drive to work
I pass my old orthodontist's office
the field I learned to play soccer on
the music store where I bought my guitar
I commute when I used to watch grindhouse flicks after bar close
I don't know what I'm doing at work
People are friendly
ask how I'm doing
I smile
You know--keeping my head above water; or
highs and lows, strikes and gutters; or
starting to get the hang of things; or
same old same old
Oh and. . .
I went to sleep at 6:30 last night
because I just couldn't think of anything else to do; or
counting down the minutes until I can fall asleep or drink myself stupid
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2 comments:
I think this is very borderline; it is well-observed, but I'd have to see what else you were putting in to know whether it was necessary.
I would cut out the "on my way to work" you have after passing a casino.
Also, the code I have to type in to post this comment is "loafr"
I remember bartok
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